Me too!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
