i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
