dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
