Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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