We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
