We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
