Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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