This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
