The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
