I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i dont even know how to be here
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
