I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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