I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
