You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
