I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
