the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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