Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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