even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
