are you still at the devil's house?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
