ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
