I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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