So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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