I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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