we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
