everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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