He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
this will be a night to untag.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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