fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
only you would photoshop your dick
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
