Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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