I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
