Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
