Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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