I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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