He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
