youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
