From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
im on a boat
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