the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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