her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
