Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
