I never want to see another naked old woman again.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
