Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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