So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
