you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
