I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
