It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
