I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
