Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
