you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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