"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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