Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
