I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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