guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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