Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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