as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
