i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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