even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Randomize
