dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I cockslap morals
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
