Apparently you make a good broom.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
