So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
